Hello! I hope you are having an amazing week so far!
So far so good on my end:) Although, to be honest, a few weeks ago, I was not feeling so wonderful! We, as a family, went through a stressful situation that caused a lot of hurt, sadness, frustration, confusion, etc. As difficult and hurtful as the situation was, I really paid attention to the entire process of what we, as a family did, to weather the storm and come through to the other side of the situation that allowed us to feel at peace again.
Here are the 5 steps of how to increase your resilience when going through hard times. Well, it is actually 10 steps, since the steps just kept coming as I was writing this blog:)
- Step 1: Stay connected to your spiritual connection and faith. Often, when stressed, hurt, sad, angry, , we become disconnected from our spiritual connection for various reasons. Stay connected and stay in faith!
- Step 2: Surround yourself with supportive people; people who will love you unconditionally, meet you where you are at but who also lovingly challenge you to move forward.
- Step 3: Express and feel all the emotions you are feeling during your challenging time. Our instinct is to avoid the pain we are feeling. We avoid painful feelings by using alcohol, working a lot, eating, staying overly busy, being on our phones all the time, etc. The more we avoid the painful feelings, the stronger they will knock on our door to say, “come deal with me please!”
- Step 4: Set the intention you will forgive and let go! If the challenging time involves another person, give yourself permission to feel angry, sad, hurt, etc. but also set the intention that you will forgive them. Forgiveness is not just for the other person; it is for you as well. Truly forgiving and letting go allows you to release hurt feelings and move forward being held back by anger, which will only hurt you in the end. I love this quote by Maya Angelo, “You can’t forgive without loving. And I don’t mean sentimentality. I don’t mean mush. I mean having enough courage to standup and say, I forgive. I’m finished with it.”
- Step 5: Forgive yourself! Here is the reality, we are human, and we make mistakes, sometimes big mistakes!!! When we mess up, our inner critic loves to beat us down, criticize us and make us feel like we have zero worth. Do not listen to the inner critic; it is only telling you lies. You made a mistake, but mistakes do not define who you are as a person. You must move into loving compassion with yourself and find it in your own heart to forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made. When you can forgive yourself, it allows you to see the truth, learn from your mistakes and move forward.
- Step 6: When you are in a difficult situation, ALWAYS ask yourself, “What is the lesson I need to learn from this?” Through every challenging time in our lives, there is always a lesson to be learned. Feel the hurt and express how you are feeling, but also move into curiosity on what you need to learn from this hardship. There is ALWAYS a lesson! I will promise you that if you do not learn the lesson, things in your life will continue to show up until you finally say to yourself, “OK, I get it!” When you learn the lesson, the patterns will be released and you will be able to move forward.
- Step 7: Be aware of displaced anger! If we are mad at someone for their behaviors or even if we are upset with ourselves for a decision we made, our anger can be projected onto others who don’t deserve it. Feel the anger and frustration for the sake of the healing process but make sure you are not projecting it onto others who don’t deserve it!
- Step 8: Don’t continue to state the negative story repeatedly!!! It will keep you in a pattern you don’t want to be in. As the saying goes “If you can’t change the situation, you can change the way you think about it.”
- Step 9: Have patience ~ this too shall pass!
- Step 10: Surrender and let go of control! The more we try to control situations, the more difficult the situation becomes.
As always, I would love to hear your thoughts! Please share with me what you have done to help get through challenging times.
Have a wonderful rest of your week!
MA, LMFT, Holistic Coach and Founder of Ready Set Live, Holistic Life and Wellness Coaching
Ronda Stevens is a licensed mental health therapist, certified health & wellness coach, certified holistic coach and founder of Ready, Set, Live Holistic Life and Wellness Coaching! Ronda has years of experience with compassionately guiding and supporting people make changes that dramatically improve and change lives! To learn more, please visit her website at www.getreadysetlive.com. You can call contact her via email at firstname.lastname@example.org . She is also available via phone 1-800-558-7080.