I hope to find you well! All is good here. We just returned from a trip to Mexico a few weeks ago, which was lovely! We went back to the place where my husband proposed, 15 years ago; the trip most certainly had a lot of special meaning given the fact that we returned to a very special place with our 2 boys. It was great to reflect back to the memory of “this is where it all began.”
So, I have a question for you. Do you ever have moments in your life where it just feels tough? Are there times when you just feel stuck, down, anxious and for lack of a better word, “blah?” I most certainly have! To be completely honest, I went through a situation a few weeks ago that was creating these feelings for me. As difficult as these times can be, I have been through situations like these enough times to know I ALWAYS have to ask, “WHAT IS THE LESSON THAT NEEDS TO BE LEARNED?” If I don’t ask this question during these difficult times, I know for certain that the situation will continue to repeat itself in some way, shape or form until I learn the lesson!
With that in mind, here is a little story! About a month or so ago, I was feeling overwhelmed with everything! I was feeling overwhelmed with work (not my clients by the way:)), I was feeling overwhelmed with all I needed to get done at home (grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, sports, appointments, REPEAT!). I was on overload! During the same time, I had flown to Florida to be with my mentor and colleagues for one of our 3-day retreats. During one of our meetings, we started talking about accountability and support. Now, being a coach, this by no means is a new topic, but all of a sudden, I started to really focus on the word “support!”
I started to reflect on my home life, my work life and even my involvement with my group of colleagues, which I have been a part of for the past 2.5 years. All of a sudden, I had this aha moment of, “oh my gosh, I talk about support all of the time and I give support all of the time, but I AM REALLY TERRIBLE at receiving support!!!” Suddenly, I had my answer! The answer to the lesson I needed to learn from this was that I needed to start fully receiving support from others. The reason I feel overwhelmed at times is because I am terrible at receiving support and delegating or asking for support. I have amazing supportive people in my life who will support me at the drop of a hat, and I rarely access them for such support. This is what my state of overwhelm was trying to teach me. Hopefully, my state of overwhelm will also teach you:) So, here are a few thoughts!
First, ask yourself the following simple questions.
- Do I ask for support when I need it?
- Do I fully receive support if I ask for support or if support is offered to me?
If the answer is yes to one or both questions, then continue to the next section.
When we are unable to ask for and or receive support from others, we can experience different kinds of emotions. Do you experience any of the following when you do not feel supported?
- Frustration toward yourself and others?
- Feeling overwhelmed?
- Physical tension in your body?
- Feeling on edge?
- Sleep disturbances?
- You are not eating as healthy as you normally do?
- You are not exercising as much as you would like to?
Here are some limiting beliefs that may be holding you back from getting the help and you need:
- “I don’t ask for support because no one will not respond anyway. I have to do it on my own.” (this could be a result of when you were growing up, and others were not there for you, which makes asking for support very scary.).
- “If I ask for support, I am being selfish (this can be a belief passed down to you from your family of origin).”
- “If I ask for help, I am weak and needy.”(this can be a belief passed down to you from your family of origin)
- “If I take a stand for myself, and I ask for support, people will be mad at me, they will leave me, and I will be alone.”
- “If I speak up and ask for support, I will feel vulnerable, I feel I will not get the support I need, and I fear I will be rejected.”
- “It is just easier if I do it on my own then have to depend on someone else who may let me down.”
Here are 8 tips that will help you ask for and start to RECEIVE help!
- When you feel overwhelmed, stressed, and like you have too much to do, the first thing you must do is stop and recognize how you are feeling.
- Create a list, for all areas of your life, where you need additional support.
- Imagine what your life would look like if you started to fully embrace the support around you. Imagine how you would feel both physically and emotionally.
- Acknowledge everything you do every day. Say to yourself, “I am so proud of you; you work so hard and give so much. However, this is taking a toll on you both physically and mentally. I give you permission to ask for support. I give you permission to fully receive the support that surrounds you (this includes fully receiving support from your spiritual connection as well).”
- Write out all your limiting beliefs you have about asking receiving support and then write the truth from your caring wise adult – the part of you that has empathy, compassion and allows you to see the truth.
- Write an empowering story of what your life will look like when you fully receive love and support around Write it out as if it has already happened. Notice how you feel as you write this story out.
- Create a systematic plan of how to get the support you truly
- Create a list of people in your life who support you or who you could hire to support. Even when you think there is no one there to help you, there is ALWAYS someone who is willing to support you in one way or another.
- Last but not least, take action and ask for help! You deserve it!
I hope you found this article to be helpful! As always, I would love to hear from you! This of course is not an all-inclusive list so I would love to hear some additional tips, thoughts and ideas from you! Have an amazing rest of your day!
Ronda Stevens is a licensed mental health therapist, certified health & wellness coach, certified holistic coach and founder of Ready, Set, Live Holistic Life and Wellness Coaching! Ronda has years of experience with compassionately guiding and supporting people make changes that dramatically improve and change lives! To learn more, please visit her website at www.getreadysetlive.com. You can call contact her via email at firstname.lastname@example.org . She is also available via phone 1-800-558-7080.